WILAND vs. ZERO vs. SHAMROCK

[coreycz]

3 Man Elimination Match
D.C. Wiland
vs
Zero
vs
Mickey "Jackpot" Shamrock

[coreycz]

Scene opens up in front of locker room door. The sign on the door says "WILAND", but 'somebody' wrote "The Main Fuckin' Man!" above it with a marker. The door opens and the camera man walks in. He sees The High Class Continuum, D.C. Wiland and David Parker, enjoying cigars, champagne and the presence of beautiful women.

Wiland - "What the fuck is this bag of wank doing here? Piss off!"

Parker - "Relax, Deez. I invited him to shoot an interview with you, man. Remember?"

D.C. smirked a bit hearing that, while he finished rolling a joint.

Wiland - "Okay, so... the retard, or whoever he is, eventually got the win. Bra-fuckin'-vo. We went on to have main event quality match-up, but your last ever HCWA Hardcore Champ didn't get the win in the end. My so-called friend, my so-called tag team partner Declan decided to turn his filthy Canadian back at HEW and thought he would leave me hopeless. Wow, that's a hit after hit, D.C., are you feeling okay, man?... lemme tell ya something, bro..."

He lit the joint and took a few hits out of it. He blew a cloud of smoke on the camera.

Wiland - "I am still feeling fuckin' awesome. My tag team partner is gone... but I got a new one and my god, look at him! He is one of the guys who run this goddamn company!"

Camera took a brief look at Parker, making out with a hot young blonde before it turned the attention back to The Main Man.

Wiland - "...but I guess he's busy right now, so I'm gonna continue. I didn't get the win in the PPV tournament, yeah, sad... but now I get an opportunity for another title. The Free For All one. Triple Threat match, hmmm, sounds like a challenge, right?"

He laughed like he just heard a crazy-ass joke.

Wiland - "No, no, no, Holy Korean Jesus, it does friggin' not! Look at those two circus freaks who you call my 'opponents'... number one, Mickey Shamrock. I kinda enjoy how Mickey is a party guy, yeah, that sounds cool... but shit, if yo uwanna show that in public, you should have some CLASS first of all. While Mickey lacks all the class you can imagine, because he is nothing more than a sleazy cunt with a pedo moustache."

D.C. passed the joint to a girl sitting next to him and french kissed her.

Wiland - "Where was I... oh, yeah... the other guy calls himself Zero. Well... I dunno what to say about him because his ring name says it all. He's an absolute zero, he's nobody... oh, that's the other wanker, but nevermind... he just does not belong here. Beating him for the Free For All title will be a walk through a park."

D.C. took off his shades and smirked at the camera once again.

Wiland - "But I'm not going to take that title for a long time... Free For All title is not for me, because I am not 'for all' and especially not 'free'. I am a VIfuckin'P and that means sooner rather than later... I'm coming for the Pay Per View title."

He opened a bottle of Jack and took few mighty sips out of it.

Wiland - "And now... now you can piss off... Hey, hey Ashley! Why are you putting the shirt back on?!"

Cameraman left as the scene faded to black.

[Zero]

ZERO comes out to the ring. No music, no tron, nothing. He's carrying a gym bag for some reason. ZERO slides it into the ring, then looks under the ring and pulls out a chair, then brings it into the ring. As he enters the ring, the two men in the ring doing a tryout match scurry out and try to get away from the masked maniac of HEW. Zero sets the chair up in the ring, then signals for a mic.


ZERO: Sorry to interrupt this stellar match that was underway, but I'm pissed off and got some things I've just got to say. Which, when translated, means sit down and listen.


ZERO sits down in the steel chair he set up in the middle of the ring, his gym bag next to him.


ZERO: To fully understand where I'm coming from, here's a brief look at me arriving into HEW. So, here I am, doing work for various indy promotions, not knowing where I'd get work next. Then, one rainy day, I get a call from some promotion, promising me guaranteed work every two weeks, offering me somewhat decent pay. That promotion was, of course, this one, HEW. But, considering I signed up for, at last count, six promotions that collapsed within a few months of my signing for them, I was a bit hesitant. But, in the end, the office ended up convincing me to sign. So, that comes to my next point: My career here.


The crowd's still relatively quiet.


ZERO: My debut match, I win. I'm fine with that. I win big too, as I become the first ever Free For All Champion. I'm trucking along, doing what I always do, which is entertain and sell massive amounts of merchandise to the fans. But now I find out that I'm being set up in a Triple Threat Match against DC Wiland and Mickey Shamrock. Now Shamrock I'm not too worried about, but this Wiland dude, he's bothersome. Dude starts talking ash about me.. ME, the first champion in HEW's history.....*mutters*Damn hangover..... Anyway, he violates Rule One of Ideas You Really Should Follow To Not Anger A Man: Thou shalt not casually insult thy opponent's life. I'm NOT a circus freak. But you know, I'd be fine if he just stuck to insulting me, but instead, he stoops down to grade-school level by, and you all should know this by now, calling.......you know what? *turns to stage* Production, roll the clip.


Clip of DC Wiland's promo is shown.


Wiland - "Where was I... oh, yeah... the other guy calls himself Zero. Well... I dunno what to say about him because his ring name says it all. He's an absolute zero, he's nobody... oh, that's the other wanker, but nevermind... he just does not belong here. Beating him for the Free For All title will be a walk through a park."


The camera cuts back to ZERO, who's shaking his head.


ZERO: He could have stuck to calling me a circus freak. That's all. But the "he's nobody" comment got to me. Which is the story of my career from then up to right now. Anyway.......remember the beginning of my promo? The "pissed off" bit? Well, now you're gonna know why. Look, man, I know you had to cut a promo. I know you had to make me look bad. But, seriously, we're not in high school anymore. You should have left the "absolute zero" comment at home and behind you. I have no issue with thinking them, but they should have just stayed at that, thoughts. This isn't the 1990's anymore. Do you honestly believe that anyone believes that you're actual talent? If you still want to make it work in this business, modify yourself, son! Make it believable. Make it so that, oh, I don't know, you actually try to get yourself over with your own talent? Instead, you have to buddy up and pal around with a co-owner in order to get yourself a title shot.


The crowd starts to awaken, cheering a bit.


ZERO: Enough of that, I have another person to talk about. Mickey Shamrock, for example. If you were gonna no-show, you could have at least informed me by cellphone. It only takes about twenty seconds to call me and the office up and say that you can't make it. But, instead, you don't, thus you're going to make me and DC look like complete fools. Next issue I have is with management..... Are you purposely trying to make me a joke? Look, I understand I deserved some of it, because I wear a mask and I'm a bit odd in the ring. I know my promo skills aren't the best. But, I was improving. Doesn't that count for something? Finally, I blame........I blame Barack Obama.


Half of the crowd boos and the other half cheer.


ZERO: Because of him, this economy is the way it is now. Because of him, small companies haven't been able to pay their employees? Yet poor people get to live like kings and queens on welfare? Now in America, you're demonized if you love America too much for words. I love America so much that I would let America bang me in the ass without lube! THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE AMERICA! That's right, it's all Obama's fault!

ZERO: That's all I really have to say.......but the office probably doesn't give a damn. They never seemed to care about anyone's career....except for the main event guys, one of which SHOULD BE ME!. If that's the case, then, guess what.......I no longer give a damn about this company. Hell, I might just take this Free For All title and do something dastardly with it.. or maybe I'll sell it to the crackhead down the street for a few bucks. God knows this piece of junk isn't worth much.


Mild boos. ZERO grabs his gym bag and leaves the ring without another word.

[bdc]

As Sexay and I know it by LMFAO plays on in the Disco in the Desert in Pheonix, Arizona, We see the floor alive with synchronized action! Jimi James White Junior AND Senior are throwing it down on the dance floor as the crowd is eating it up. On the sidelines, JJ White Sr.'s advisor, brother and friend, Disco Joe, leans against a pillar and grins just shaking his head. He's been JJ's friend a while; since back in the sixties. He remembers disco, new wave, metal, grunge...boy bands...CRINGES!

Disco smiles thinking about the past few years. The PWA run and the debacle and aftermath. But JJ always lands on his feet.

“Who's a fella gotta bone to get a drink around here?!”

Joe knows who it is as he turns to see none other than Mickey JACKPOT Shamrock dressed in his patented skin tight pants wearing no shirt and sporting a fashionable scarf and sunglasses. As he bumps and grinds to the beat, Disco can't believe JJ Junior hangs around this sleeze.

As a gaggle of hotties dance by, JACKPOT grinds along with them looking them over like Thanksgiving turkey. His eyes and hips follow them as they move away. He, then, grabs a glass of champagne off a tray moving past him through the crowd. Taking a deep gulp and an releasing an exhilarating sigh, he begins to ready himself to hit the floor.

Jackpot: Ok, 'bout time to sexay this bitch up a bit.

Handing Disco his drink, Mickey runs into a slide onto the dance floor. With Jimi James White front and center and Jackpot and Ice Cold on each side they break out into a number you would think had been choreographed. After finishing a grand closing move, the music stops with the three centers of attraction holding poses. As the crowd erupts, the three of them,wore out from the dancing, go to sit down. Suddenly, as JJ Junior sits, the hot number that was with him runs up and sits on his lap. Jimi James looks over at the new arrival, Jackpot, and his smile fades.

Jimi James White: What is HE doing here?

Jackpot all laid back and getting some extra special attention from a couple of young thangs smiles; Didn't you tell'm?

Ice Cold begins to look a little uncomfortable: Nah, man, I just got here!

Jimi James White: Tell me WHAT, exactly?

Ice Cold smiles sheepishly: You know I told ya I'm goin' to Hollywood to wrestle?

Jimi James White stares a hold through his son: Uh-huh.

Ice Cold: Well....Mickey, here, is comin' with me.

JJ White looks not happy at all: Oh, no you don't. I'm not about to sit back and watch New Years happen again!

Mickey laughs: Now, I told you the fire was NOT my fault.

JJ White: Yeah, sure. These kind of things seem to follow you around Mick and you know it.

Jackpot: I'm sexy and I know it.

JJ White: This isn't a joke. You guys are representing the second generation of PWA wrestlers and I'm not going to have you go make us look like fools!

Jackpot smirks: Can't make you look much worse...

JJ White comes to a conclusion as he looks over at Disco: Oh, funny...no, somebody needs to be there to watch out for you two.

Ice Cold: Aw, pops!

Jackpot: We don't need no baby sitter, man!!

Disco starts to get the idea: Oh, no! I ain't about to go to Hollywood with these two idiots!

Ice Cold and Jackpot: HEY!

JJ White: Oh, don't worry, Joe, you won't be alone...

Disco: OH, NO! You ain't goin to Hollywood either! Talk about an incident of gargantuan proportions!! Remember Collision Course?!!!

JJ White stands up: I'll have you know that was NOT my fault! (Suddenly, shifts gears) SO, the party moves to HOLLYWOOD!! (turns to the crowd) WE'RE GOIN' TO HOLLYWOOD!!!

As the crowd erupts and JJ White Sr. dances into the crowd, JJ slaps his forehead.

Ice Cold: Oh, brother...

He turns to see Shamrock has gotten lucky with a couple of hot things and is apparently giving one mouth to mouth resuscitation or something. The more things change...

TO BE CONTINUED